Bedroom

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5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

Many of us like to think the best of people. We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions. We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it. Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want…including manipulation. Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening. Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:

1. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want. The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something. Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.
2. Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries. The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to. In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy. What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to. If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.
3. Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic. If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want. Oye! What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.” Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
4. Selective Memory: This one gets me the most. You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all. What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously! Okay, maybe not. At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan. Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.
5. Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one. What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

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Suze Orman's Top 10 Money Tips for Women

by CNBC Staff
Thursday, October 29, 2009

provided by

When it comes to women and finance, sometimes there's a disconnect between what women know and how they act, their ability as achiever and their financial underachieving, and between the power they have within reach and the powerlessness that rules their actions.

Financial expert Suze Orman gives her list of the top 10 money tips for women to follow:

1. Listen to Your Gut

Women are compassionate toward those in need. Instead of going with their gut, they sometimes overlook the obvious and make an emotional money mistake. "A friend, relative, loved one will approach you saying, 'I need to borrow $5,000.' You'll think 'I don't want to' and yet you say 'OK,'" Suze explains. So, think twice before you say yes if your gut is saying no.

2. NEVER Co-Sign for ANYONE

If a friend or family member asks for you to co-sign on a loan, it's probably best to say no. Suze says more often than not, the borrower will default or pay late and you risk losing money or lowering your credit score because as the co-signer, you are ultimately responsible for the loan. Say no out of love, not out of fear.

3. Save Yourself First

If you don't have enough to save for your child's college fund and your retirement, your retirement takes precedence.

As explained in Suze's book "Women & Money," women think they are actually helping their children by paying for their college or wedding. It's a myth. You help your children by saving yourself first. If you retire without ample money to support yourself, you will become a financial burden to your children. There are plenty of loans for college, but there are no loans for retirement.

4. Don't Hand Over Finances to Your Husband or Partner

Suze says women often hand over their family financial matters to their partner because they are either scared, lazy or following an old-fashioned role.

Being in control of your financial destiny requires that you be an active participant -- not just by paying bills, but in overseeing your investments, too. Suze: "Take this step and I think you will be surprised how this helps your relationship."

5. Don't Put Yourself on Sale

Don't treat yourself like you're on sale. If you're reluctant to put a real value on what you do, then it diminishes who you are. As Suze explains, women tend to devalue what they do.

This creates a vicious cycle: "When you devalue what you do, it becomes inevitable that you -- and those around you -- devalue who you are." Women will settle for less. They may offer discounted prices on their services or accept a smaller raise, even when the company is doing well. They have to ask for what they know is "right."

6. Protect Your Assets: Get a Pre-Nuptial Agreement

The basic rule is that you are jointly entitled to assets accrued during a marriage and you are on the hook for debts accrued during the marriage. Anything you bring into the marriage is not automatically shared. Protect your assets.

7. No Blame, No Shame

Two of the heaviest weights women carry (invisible twin obstacles of the past) are the burden of shame and the tendency to blame. Suze explains: "If you don't feel confident in your knowledge of how money works, you hide behind the shame of it, deferring decisions to others or staying stuck in a pattern of inaction. You blame society, your parents, your husband/partner or all of the above. Blame renders you powerless and shame only serves to hold you back." You have to go and find out about personal finance for yourself.

8. Take Care of Your Money

Women nurture people and things that are important to them. So take care of your money the way you do your husband/partner, family, friends, pets, plants and clothes. Cherish money like all of the other irreplaceable items in your life. Find wise investments, save and don't throw it away on meaningless things.

9. Don't Make Your Underage Children Life-Insurance Beneficiaries -- It's a No-No!

Life insurance companies will not make a payout to children under 18 years of age. Suze suggests you create a trust account and name the trust as the beneficiary of your life insurance policy.

10. Own the Power to Control Your Own Destiny

Give to yourself as much as you give of yourself. Power comes from who you are, not what you have, and the transformation starts with how you allow others to treat you. Do what's right, rather than what's easy.

Suze says, "Remember to muster up your courage and silence your fear ... keep your eye on the goal, on what you really want to accomplish, no matter what anyone says or does to deter you. Just keep moving forward."

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Not the kind of house we have in mind

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Managing Your Money Need Not Be A Headache

Source: Universal Publishing Service=

Are your debts mounting each month? Are you finding it harder to juggle the bills? Do you find yourself relying on cash advances on your credit cards to get you through your pay day? Anne Starke shares 10 tips on how to navigate through credit crunch as painlessly as possible.

Fretting over unpaid bills is a terrible energy-sapper. Money worries hang over your head, undermining your self-confidence and your sense of security.

But things usually aren't as bad as they seem and the worst thing you can do is accept the situation and continue living hand-to-mouth, day-to-day.

Regardless of age or income, everyone has the potential to be financially secure, and to enjoy the self confidence and feelings of personal power that come with it. It is not a matter of earning higher wages, but of working smarter with what you've got. Work out your budget woes with these tips:

1. Stay calm
If it looks like there is no way out of the maze of bills, stay calm. After all, it is only money. Lots of people and many businesses face a credit squeeze at some stage and most work their way out of it. The important thing is to have a plan – and follow it through.

2. Is the crisis short-term or critical?
Work out if your difficulties are only temporary or if it is a long-term problem, such as illness, loss of your job or possible bankruptcy. If it is a major crisis, you may need professional help immediately. Contact your lawyer, accountant or your friendly bank officer.

3. Will your credit rating be affected?
Do your best to protect your credit rating. If you are downgraded, it could jeopardise your chances of obtaining a loan in the future.

4. Work out which bills to pay first
When cash is tight, you need to set priorities as to which bills to pay first. Check which unpaid bills are likely to affect your credit rating. For example, a friendly landlord might allow you to pay the rent a week or two late, but a default on the electricity account will not only put you in darkness – it could mean a black mark on your record.

5. Money-stretchers
When money is short, you need to work with the money you have got to make it spin out as far as possible.

• List all the bills you owe.

• Note the due dates and grace periods.

• Pay your bills only at the end of their grace periods. A computer won't care that you paid on the last possible day.

• Pay only the minimum due but pay something on all of your bills. Do not pay all of one bill and only some of the other.

• Don't charge anything on a due-in-30-days basis. Try to arrange credit over a longer period of time.

• If it looks as if your money problems will last for a while send a note to the people you owe when you send part-payment. Make it brief and to the point: "I am experiencing problems that should be resolved soon. Here is part of the payment. I will pay the full amount as soon as I can."

6. Watch the cents
Until you work your way out of debt, you will need to take special care with your spending. Try to put off buying clothes or items for the house until you are on a firmer financial footing. Work out how much you can afford to put aside each week towards paying off your debts – and then work out how long it will take until you are debt-free. Now you have a personal goal to work for - that marvellous day when you won't owe anybody anything!

7. Don't be too hard on yourself
Financial fitness takes discipline but it does no good to impose too strict a budget. Chances are you won't be able to stick to it. Then, on top of everything else, you will have to deal with that depressing feeling of failing to meet your own expectations.

8. Take control
Successfully settling your debts after a spending blow-out is a big achievement. The important thing once you are debt-free is to make sure you do hot slip back into the red again. More importantly, now is the time to get your money working for you to build up financial security for the future.

9. Make money work for you
Sometimes as little as S$50 a week is enough to get you started towards building up a fat nest egg for the future. You also need to work on accumulating an emergency cash reserve. The best way to begin a plan is by learning how investments work. An understanding of the system gives you the knowledge and confidence to win. Most of the major financial planning companies run seminars that provide a useful starting point.

10. Seek professional help
Nowadays there are many different Investment products available. No one can be expected to choose from these and come up with the right answer every time. You will need help from qualified adviser. Choosing an adviser is an important decision because you should expect to be working with this person over a long period of time. She can show you the way to achieve your goals, prepare a plan – even be your motivator – but in the end your future is up to you. Your security and the lifestyle you will enjoy in the future are dependent on the financial decisions you make today.

Read more...

Managing Your Money Need Not Be A Headache

Source: Universal Publishing Service=

Are your debts mounting each month? Are you finding it harder to juggle the bills? Do you find yourself relying on cash advances on your credit cards to get you through your pay day? Anne Starke shares 10 tips on how to navigate through credit crunch as painlessly as possible.

Fretting over unpaid bills is a terrible energy-sapper. Money worries hang over your head, undermining your self-confidence and your sense of security.

But things usually aren't as bad as they seem and the worst thing you can do is accept the situation and continue living hand-to-mouth, day-to-day.

Regardless of age or income, everyone has the potential to be financially secure, and to enjoy the self confidence and feelings of personal power that come with it. It is not a matter of earning higher wages, but of working smarter with what you've got. Work out your budget woes with these tips:

1. Stay calm
If it looks like there is no way out of the maze of bills, stay calm. After all, it is only money. Lots of people and many businesses face a credit squeeze at some stage and most work their way out of it. The important thing is to have a plan – and follow it through.

2. Is the crisis short-term or critical?
Work out if your difficulties are only temporary or if it is a long-term problem, such as illness, loss of your job or possible bankruptcy. If it is a major crisis, you may need professional help immediately. Contact your lawyer, accountant or your friendly bank officer.

3. Will your credit rating be affected?
Do your best to protect your credit rating. If you are downgraded, it could jeopardise your chances of obtaining a loan in the future.

4. Work out which bills to pay first
When cash is tight, you need to set priorities as to which bills to pay first. Check which unpaid bills are likely to affect your credit rating. For example, a friendly landlord might allow you to pay the rent a week or two late, but a default on the electricity account will not only put you in darkness – it could mean a black mark on your record.

5. Money-stretchers
When money is short, you need to work with the money you have got to make it spin out as far as possible.

• List all the bills you owe.

• Note the due dates and grace periods.

• Pay your bills only at the end of their grace periods. A computer won't care that you paid on the last possible day.

• Pay only the minimum due but pay something on all of your bills. Do not pay all of one bill and only some of the other.

• Don't charge anything on a due-in-30-days basis. Try to arrange credit over a longer period of time.

• If it looks as if your money problems will last for a while send a note to the people you owe when you send part-payment. Make it brief and to the point: "I am experiencing problems that should be resolved soon. Here is part of the payment. I will pay the full amount as soon as I can."

6. Watch the cents
Until you work your way out of debt, you will need to take special care with your spending. Try to put off buying clothes or items for the house until you are on a firmer financial footing. Work out how much you can afford to put aside each week towards paying off your debts – and then work out how long it will take until you are debt-free. Now you have a personal goal to work for - that marvellous day when you won't owe anybody anything!

7. Don't be too hard on yourself
Financial fitness takes discipline but it does no good to impose too strict a budget. Chances are you won't be able to stick to it. Then, on top of everything else, you will have to deal with that depressing feeling of failing to meet your own expectations.

8. Take control
Successfully settling your debts after a spending blow-out is a big achievement. The important thing once you are debt-free is to make sure you do hot slip back into the red again. More importantly, now is the time to get your money working for you to build up financial security for the future.

9. Make money work for you
Sometimes as little as S$50 a week is enough to get you started towards building up a fat nest egg for the future. You also need to work on accumulating an emergency cash reserve. The best way to begin a plan is by learning how investments work. An understanding of the system gives you the knowledge and confidence to win. Most of the major financial planning companies run seminars that provide a useful starting point.

10. Seek professional help
Nowadays there are many different Investment products available. No one can be expected to choose from these and come up with the right answer every time. You will need help from qualified adviser. Choosing an adviser is an important decision because you should expect to be working with this person over a long period of time. She can show you the way to achieve your goals, prepare a plan – even be your motivator – but in the end your future is up to you. Your security and the lifestyle you will enjoy in the future are dependent on the financial decisions you make today.

Read more...

Selamat Hari Guru 1430H / 2009

Semoga Allah mengurniakan kesihatan, ketenangan, ketaqwaan, keimanan beserta rezeki dan rahmat yang berlipat ganda atas ganjaran amal bakti dan ilmu yang dicurahkan. AMIN

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